Hey world=)
As promised I had uploaded a new video on youtube. check it out on:
http://www.youtube.com/user/YanEldoras
Its a birthday present i did for the May babies in the class; they are rather touched ( i certainly hope so!!) So Pls rate and comment thanks!!
P.S its on 2 parts due to the length=)
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So today in this post i wanna share with you all about something, Guys had you ever had the feeling whereby you know you liked this girl, but you know you can never reach her, so you decided to you know.. be her friend, do the being-there-for-her-always stunt thinking that ONE day she might fall for you, while in the mean time you do not want you confess to her cos it'll be detrimental to the current relationship you have with the gal. Thus you dun wanna confess. But something happened to me to made confess to her.....
This gal is pretty and had a very good temper most impt shes a christian=) So she knows the meaning of putting God 1st, however she had just ended a previous relationship the this guy. So i think it is unwise to court her, plus it's just a liking!! No point courting a gal which might just be an infatuation. Plus although i always said tt I'm handsome, but I know tt I would not be with her. Because lols someone just brokeup and it would not be good to court her. Plus i believe that she took a fancy in this classmate which I'll call him "L".
L is a very handsome young man with a good character, plus my group of friends and me suspected that he also liked this gal which I call "M", Since the both had mutual attraction, I decided not to butt in and let nature take it's course.
You all might think "wow this Jingyan poser nia... Act tough only" actually it took me a lot of strength to give her up, I mean come on, who would want to give up someone you like to others? But i did it all the same because I wanna prevent myself from further hurts. However, M likes to share with me her problems and sometimes I wanna call her and just ask her how is she. Slowly but surely she begins to trust me, which I am very happy about. Because that trust is the only thing I believe I can have that we both of us can share.
L and me was one of the many friends that cheered M up after the breakup thus M is really happy that she had this clique of good friends around. In addition, during then, L was really close to M, which made almost all the guys in our clique believed that L fancied M. However no one really suspected me of liking cos I was not really physically close to her at that point of time exp some of my "sharper" friends.
One week after tat L was suddenly cold to us esp M, M confined to me that L totally did not gave her any eye contact for 2 days, I was puzzled, I decided to ask L, he said that he was upset by a gal he liked.
"Is it M?" I asked,
"Nah.. Is this other Gal from that other class that only John(fake name) knows about" replied L
"Ohh then why are you ignoring us? Hahas we're not the gal aren't we?" I reasoned
"Hahas oh ya you're right, so sorry it's so silly of me to be so emo towards you all" said L
"LOLs no problems dude, try and talk to M OK? I think shes sad tt you're ignoring her" I added.
"oh did I??" asked L
Thus this conversation continued. eventually he told me he would explain to M and talk to her again, however he did not stop ignoring her, in fact he started talking to us once again but this time he is just avoiding M, just her only. This time M spoke to me, she says that she is puzzled why L is not talking to her. I told her maybe L likes her thus is doing this thing to make sure whether you liked him.
Thus this is the first point I wanna talk about, guys when you like someone SAY IT, dun hide in a corner and do some manipulative actions and make pl cry for, tt's the most douche-bag move you can ever think of. First you become as asshole, next if the gal DO like you, you're hurting her, which HURT ME in return since I wanna give her up. Lastly if the girl DON'T like you? You gonna end up being the douche-bag of the moment and you're gonna have a label that says "SCHEMERS" (Apparently John was in that lie as well) , so right in conclusion. L and john were given "schemers" in my eyes even though I still hang out with them.
*In addition guys if you dunno whether this gal like you, dun do this kind to stupid thing. 1st It destroy relationships and it gives you a bad image of a person.
As the story goes on, I decided to confront L during one of a prayer meeting in my friend's house.
I decided to tell the guys that remember that although some of us liked the same girl and we must remember to put our friendship 1st. I also told them that whatever we said in this room shall be kept in that room.
Thus after making that promised we move on to had guys talk after the prayer meeting this is what we've learnt and shared:
** There are 7 person in the room
Me
L
John
A
B
C
D
1. We know that A likes a gal Z
2. We realized that B like M too
3.I said that I fancied M
4.L proclaims that he does not like M but another gal, agreed by John.
Since we already "cleared the air" or so i believed I confronted L about M being upset."Yo dude, do you know that you made M cried that time when you EMO-ed her?" I asked, face to face."Huh! She did?" exclaimed L"Ya!!, OMT hey look you gotta talk to her okay? No matter how you are feeling you should not do that to M "OK?, try and talk to her, It'll cheer her up a lot." I explained."Um.. OK" replied L"oh! remember! Do not let her know that I told you tat she cried over you OK? because only I know about it and by telling her that you know, means that you might ruin my relationship with her which is the last thing I want" I also added "dude just talk to her again, thats all I'm asking for.""Sure, no problem, I not say a word about she crying" promised L.**However when he went home that time he told her that he knew she cried. M was shocked. The moment I called her at night, She told me..."JingYan I don't know whether I can trust you anymore. What did you tell L?" She spoke.I was in the state of shock. My heart wanna tell her "I DID NOT TELL L ANYTHING!" But I just replied "Ya I told him that you cried over him it's because I don't wanna see you hurt again"."Oh OK =) " was her reply.That was not all... later on I found out in the conversation, L mention something to M that makes my anger rises to the intensity of a THOUSAND SUNS. Apparently L told M that there are 3 things mentioned when we're at A's house. However there is only 2 things that concerned her (look up if you dunno what is the 2 things)1) She figured out that B likes her (pretty pretty obvious actually).2)She did not know what is the 2nd thing.M wanted L to tell her but L rejected, saying that "it will destroy relationships". However after much prying and pleading, L said he will tell her the NEXT DAY.Now imagine I heard this right out from a girl I liked, common Singaporean terms for this is SIAN JI PUA (SIAN 50%). However at that point of time? I sian 100% man. I was hurt inside out!!Number of things I was hurt:
1) I tot I trusted L.
2) Even when I told you not to tell her abt the crying, you told her anyways.
3)Why the FUCK you wanna let her know abt the 2 things the concern her anyways, didn't i mention? IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE KEPT WITHIN THE 7 OF US!!!
4) L might say "I did not let the secret out anyways" but why the FUCK you wanna hint her about it?
Indeed my anger for him is white hot with the intensity of a thousand suns.
But what can I say? I cannot do anything, what done is done. I the end I just told M..."Look since L is going to tell you about the 2nd thing I might as well tell you".".....I like you..." I confessed."...Oh...ok..." she mumbled.Things changed the moment the next minute flew by. I cannot say I'm angry in front of her, I can't blow my temper infront of her as it is unfair (I finally learnt that thru Jas.K THANKS JAS!!! =) ).The next day past, I was late for school. My best friend Z knows that I've confessed. Things changed man, we're not as close as before, she never really share things with me anymore. Something was broken between us.....Eye of the storm came 2 days later when M told me that L confessed that he liked M. All I could mumble was:"Hey look, Im happy for you=) All things are going well again=)"....I hang up the phone, I cried.... And I went down to my knees to pray. I prayed hard. And something rang in my ear."Remember that I still love you. For I so loved the world that I sent my only begotten Son to save you.".I stupidly asked "who are you?"I did not hear the reply however I remember Moses in the bible asked the same question and God replied him:
"I am who I am"
I Cried liked a baby, because I threw all my burden to him. I told God that I'll stand up strong again to shine for you.
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This story was actually a few days old=) I am not as angry as L anymore just that I don't really trust him anymore. As for M? Well I promised I will let her know how my heart feels about everything. So this What I wanna tell M about:
M, I like you but I do not want to confess because I'm afraid that I'll lose my friendship with you, I yearn for that closeness that we once had and I wanna be there for you. I treasure that trust that you gave me but I abused it for that greater good ( or so I think) However. M, I think I can get over you, because the bible said I CAN DO ALL THINGS THRU CHRIST WHO STRENGHTENS ME.
So M, Lets be friends=)
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This is the end of my story=) took me 2 whole days to write=) Next post is on my Grandpa's funeral=) Stay Tuned!!=)
(this is a true story)
