The place where I dump my negativity,

Touched

2010-09-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

I said emo post. But I really wanna post this.PEISHI SEEN ALL MY VLOGS IN A DAY! I only did tt to other people's channel but its the first time ppl did tt to me. Im really touched. She also told me this on msn.

You have the passion and talent all you need nw is perservance. you may nt get what u want nw cos whatever that is easy to Achieve is nt glorious enough.
20:29
No matter hw many times Audi or interviews it whatever comp may fail u may put u down but
20:59
What's mostimpt is to keep the passion and keep persuing what you want ad love
21:41
For me is dance. No matter hw financial factor or fondation factor may stop me from gng to laselle but I won't give up
22:10
I know what I want in life just like you . U love fliming acting and arts! Go ahead
23:02
Your parents may nt see your potential words may brig you down but jingyan! Trust me! Stand up, work hard! Go all out for what you love and prove those ppl wrong!
23:21
Yo can do it and I always believe in you!
24:13
I know it's nt easy.. Cos soon I will be gng through smth like you. But im gonna do my best, achieve what I want in life. Get all I desire. Prove ppl wrong!
24:29
Brig arts into the world and change ppl life!
25:24
It's nvr easy it will be tough gng but as long as you are willing to accept critisim and feedback, imprve on it! You can do it man!
26:14
Nobody imagined human can be in sky till wright brothers do smth! Nobody knows arts can be so impactful until someone is willing tk go all out
26:58
And I believe you can be that someone! Jiayou jy! I see the potential in you! You can and I know you can do it!
27:30
Just don't give up!! By anything or anyone! Becase you didn't come so far to let all this go!
27:51
If you fail try agn, if fail agn, try harder till u get there

Peishi I love you=) Thank you for all tt you did=)

Zibei

2010-08-03T23:24:00.000-07:00

While waiting for the WMM to render my video. I decided to blog again. I feel so zhibei with my video editing skills.

I really wanna make it big in this industry and I feel so helpless with that.

Last night Arthur said after he seen Ivan and my video. He wanted to start filming also. The thing is he looks up to me. And i tell him. I suck at making videos.

I just feel so zibei.

Kevjumba had made his online web series and a original MV

What what have I achieved?

I feel zibei.

And I really wanna make a nice video and many ppl will watch it and spread it ard singapore and even the whole of Asia.

Not just funny, but depth as well.

Hais

Zibei.

I wonder who know how I feel abt making videos.

...

2010-07-31T10:03:00.001-07:00

After reading the previous post. I felt better.

Slightly.

I duuno why but typing my emotions out is so much better. I think no one will read this though. My friends whom I care abt doesn't seemed to care abt me too.

Haha.

Yea, all these time there are ppl who smsed and encouraged me. I thank God for you all but.

Maybe I'm just selfish.

I want the whole world to pay attention to me.

I dunno what I want.

There's a hole in my heart.

I correct.

Its a void.

A big mass of nothing-ness.

I'm going crazy.

God help me.

Emo

2010-07-31T09:51:00.000-07:00

I guess when Im really down and I feel that when I have no one to talk to. I'll blog. I think no one read it anyway. Twitter is too short and facebook is too open. Well, what can I say?

I cant vlog nowadays. I can vlog like how i vlog last times. I'm so sad nowadays. I just can help it but to feel down and unwanted all the time.

I want to rise up. I want to lead. I want to influence once again. But I know im not there yet. Spiritually or what not. But Im not there yet. I want to be be a COC again. But how?

At some part of me. I really need you. I wanted somebody to love me and in return loves me back. But who really knows what I want?

To justify, yes I still love God. Just tt. Its not agape. He knows. But the thing is. I want someone. A human. to do tt to me as well.

Im a joker who feels lonely. Im high infront of you all. But when we leave for home. You dunno how my eyes turns.

Im sad.

I nv knew tt I can type and tear at the same time.

And Im a guy.

Why am I feeling this way?

God help me.

I need your help.

Argggh Fuck.

Dark side

2009-12-01T07:24:00.000-08:00

I guess everyone has their darker side. I think I just found mine. I really hate it when im alone. I dunno why Im like that now. As time passes by. I feel more and more insecure. Girls to me now are just friends already. Can I ever find someone I truly like and likes me back? Or do i have to suffer this alone? My intelligence has finally got the better of me. I used to said this, "I hate stupid women", "I like conversations that has depth with a lady". but I cant find that person. Do I really going to be alone? Guys right now are studying buddies. We are called friends but there are no depths in our friendship. We laugh at the gals, the 4 wonders. Predicting that their friendship will fallout. WHAT ABT US? Dint you realize there's a BIG problem coming between us? Can't you see my shortened patience when there's a discussion with you all? How come when we're in the sub comm. I'm not always with you? I don't want to be a leader and lead you all always. Yes I like to be an influence-er. But you know wad is called a burnout?

And you my best friend. You're slipping away from that original meaning of that word already you know that? Since when you took interest in my life? All i hear from you is how confident you are from courting this gal when her distance to you is like further den the distance from earth from the furthest star. How you wanted to be the vice-chairman of the class when it's SO Inappropriate. Have you ever go and understand how would Amy feel? Why would the class needs THREE reps? WHY? don't tell me you wanted SEAL points because I would never believe it. I know you want to be a leader. You want to be a positive influence to a grp of people. Why dont you influence me 1st? Dude, you know wads the meaning of "walk the walk and don't talk the talk?". All these thing are kept inside me for so long, I need to type it out of I'll go crazy like really.

Is it really my fault that I always look on people's flaws and telling ppl them that? I really want you to change to become better you know? I always reflect on myself too! But how come you all CANNOT accept the hard truths in life sometimes? arent you all old enough to have a basic mental tenecity to handle scoldings? hais. Why can I react differently and positively to katerine's scolding when you all cannot handle little snippets of my crictial comments that is helpful? WHY?

My thought about youtube views

2009-10-20T08:13:00.000-07:00

Heys people=) today I wanna tell you all something about an issue from youtube that I realised=)
...........
Yea so before when I continue, This blog are for the more sentimental thoughts that I feel that it is too serious to post on YouTube=)

Yea, so when I started on my YouTube channel yaneldoras. I was really excited when I made my 1st Video=) Hahas I did my edit-ing, posted it on youtube, and went to see the magic..

1day : 3 views (i viewed it 3 times>.< )
2day : 4 views ( cos i when to chk)
2 day: 8 views (......)

I was so sad, I did not know what to do. I thought there's millions of people in youtube that will watch my videos! how come there's only 4 people who watched my vids? Upset and sadded.
I gave up.

Lols by some curious twist of fate, my friend told me this statement : "Be yourself, everyone's taken"

I was overwhelmed by it, this means tt there are 4 unique different persons that watched my vid!
4 different with different background tt watched my vids!
I impacted 4 people.

Hahas tt changed my views about youtube view amounts man.
Even if there are little amountof people who watches my vid (avg 25-30 per vid) I know that I had influenced at least 25 people on this earth, imagine you can meet them in person=)
Yea so this is one of my vids-------> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ox7VuHB_UBg&feature=player_profilepage
Yea click on my channel for more vids=)
loves, JY

VlogCrush

2009-09-13T09:26:00.000-07:00

Hey world!!
..................................
Just wanna inform you all that I was invited to vlog for vlogcrush!!
For more information, please go to www.vlogcrush.com =)
lols from now onwards I'll keep my postings short and sweet unless something serious happens to me=) for more of my vlogs you can find me @ www.youtube.com/yaneldoras.

16/june/09

2009-06-16T05:39:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys!!!!
So since the 11th of June till the 15th of June i was in the chalet=) As you can see in my previous videos. Thus I had filmed videos of it on my cam=) So ppl pls gimme some time to edit the Videos and remember to subscribe to my channel!!!!

Loves from me=)

New Video!!! (As Promised)

2009-06-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

Hey world=)
As promised I had uploaded a new video on youtube. check it out on:
http://www.youtube.com/user/YanEldoras
Its a birthday present i did for the May babies in the class; they are rather touched ( i certainly hope so!!) So Pls rate and comment thanks!!

P.S its on 2 parts due to the length=)
..................................................
So today in this post i wanna share with you all about something, Guys had you ever had the feeling whereby you know you liked this girl, but you know you can never reach her, so you decided to you know.. be her friend, do the being-there-for-her-always stunt thinking that ONE day she might fall for you, while in the mean time you do not want you confess to her cos it'll be detrimental to the current relationship you have with the gal. Thus you dun wanna confess. But something happened to me to made confess to her.....

This gal is pretty and had a very good temper most impt shes a christian=) So she knows the meaning of putting God 1st, however she had just ended a previous relationship the this guy. So i think it is unwise to court her, plus it's just a liking!! No point courting a gal which might just be an infatuation. Plus although i always said tt I'm handsome, but I know tt I would not be with her. Because lols someone just brokeup and it would not be good to court her. Plus i believe that she took a fancy in this classmate which I'll call him "L".

L is a very handsome young man with a good character, plus my group of friends and me suspected that he also liked this gal which I call "M", Since the both had mutual attraction, I decided not to butt in and let nature take it's course.

You all might think "wow this Jingyan poser nia... Act tough only" actually it took me a lot of strength to give her up, I mean come on, who would want to give up someone you like to others? But i did it all the same because I wanna prevent myself from further hurts. However, M likes to share with me her problems and sometimes I wanna call her and just ask her how is she. Slowly but surely she begins to trust me, which I am very happy about. Because that trust is the only thing I believe I can have that we both of us can share.

L and me was one of the many friends that cheered M up after the breakup thus M is really happy that she had this clique of good friends around. In addition, during then, L was really close to M, which made almost all the guys in our clique believed that L fancied M. However no one really suspected me of liking cos I was not really physically close to her at that point of time exp some of my "sharper" friends.

One week after tat L was suddenly cold to us esp M, M confined to me that L totally did not gave her any eye contact for 2 days, I was puzzled, I decided to ask L, he said that he was upset by a gal he liked.

"Is it M?" I asked,

"Nah.. Is this other Gal from that other class that only John(fake name) knows about" replied L

"Ohh then why are you ignoring us? Hahas we're not the gal aren't we?" I reasoned

"Hahas oh ya you're right, so sorry it's so silly of me to be so emo towards you all" said L

"LOLs no problems dude, try and talk to M OK? I think shes sad tt you're ignoring her" I added.

"oh did I??" asked L

Thus this conversation continued. eventually he told me he would explain to M and talk to her again, however he did not stop ignoring her, in fact he started talking to us once again but this time he is just avoiding M, just her only. This time M spoke to me, she says that she is puzzled why L is not talking to her. I told her maybe L likes her thus is doing this thing to make sure whether you liked him.

Thus this is the first point I wanna talk about, guys when you like someone SAY IT, dun hide in a corner and do some manipulative actions and make pl cry for, tt's the most douche-bag move you can ever think of. First you become as asshole, next if the gal DO like you, you're hurting her, which HURT ME in return since I wanna give her up. Lastly if the girl DON'T like you? You gonna end up being the douche-bag of the moment and you're gonna have a label that says "SCHEMERS" (Apparently John was in that lie as well) , so right in conclusion. L and john were given "schemers" in my eyes even though I still hang out with them.

*In addition guys if you dunno whether this gal like you, dun do this kind to stupid thing. 1st It destroy relationships and it gives you a bad image of a person.

As the story goes on, I decided to confront L during one of a prayer meeting in my friend's house.
I decided to tell the guys that remember that although some of us liked the same girl and we must remember to put our friendship 1st. I also told them that whatever we said in this room shall be kept in that room.

Thus after making that promised we move on to had guys talk after the prayer meeting this is what we've learnt and shared:

** There are 7 person in the room
Me
L
John
A
B
C
D

1. We know that A likes a gal Z
2. We realized that B like M too
3.I said that I fancied M
4.L proclaims that he does not like M but another gal, agreed by John.

Since we already "cleared the air" or so i believed I confronted L about M being upset.

"Yo dude, do you know that you made M cried that time when you EMO-ed her?" I asked, face to face.

"Huh! She did?" exclaimed L

"Ya!!, OMT hey look you gotta talk to her okay? No matter how you are feeling you should not do that to M

"OK?, try and talk to her, It'll cheer her up a lot." I explained.

"Um.. OK" replied L

"oh! remember! Do not let her know that I told you tat she cried over you OK? because only I know about it and by telling her that you know, means that you might ruin my relationship with her which is the last thing I want"

I also added
"dude just talk to her again, thats all I'm asking for."

"Sure, no problem, I not say a word about she crying" promised L.

**However when he went home that time he told her that he knew she cried. M was shocked. The moment I called her at night, She told me...

"JingYan I don't know whether I can trust you anymore. What did you tell L?" She spoke.

I was in the state of shock. My heart wanna tell her "I DID NOT TELL L ANYTHING!" But I just replied "Ya I told him that you cried over him it's because I don't wanna see you hurt again".

"Oh OK =) " was her reply.

That was not all... later on I found out in the conversation, L mention something to M that makes my anger rises to the intensity of a THOUSAND SUNS. Apparently L told M that there are 3 things mentioned when we're at A's house. However there is only 2 things that concerned her (look up if you dunno what is the 2 things)

1) She figured out that B likes her (pretty pretty obvious actually).
2)She did not know what is the 2nd thing.

M wanted L to tell her but L rejected, saying that "it will destroy relationships". However after much prying and pleading, L said he will tell her the NEXT DAY.

Now imagine I heard this right out from a girl I liked, common Singaporean terms for this is SIAN JI PUA (SIAN 50%). However at that point of time? I sian 100% man. I was hurt inside out!!

Number of things I was hurt:
1) I tot I trusted L.

2) Even when I told you not to tell her abt the crying, you told her anyways.

3)Why the FUCK you wanna let her know abt the 2 things the concern her anyways, didn't i mention? IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE KEPT WITHIN THE 7 OF US!!!

4) L might say "I did not let the secret out anyways" but why the FUCK you wanna hint her about it?

Indeed my anger for him is white hot with the intensity of a thousand suns.

But what can I say? I cannot do anything, what done is done. I the end I just told M...

"Look since L is going to tell you about the 2nd thing I might as well tell you".

".....I like you..." I confessed.

"...Oh...ok..." she mumbled.

Things changed the moment the next minute flew by. I cannot say I'm angry in front of her, I can't blow my temper infront of her as it is unfair (I finally learnt that thru Jas.K THANKS JAS!!! =) ).

The next day past, I was late for school. My best friend Z knows that I've confessed. Things changed man, we're not as close as before, she never really share things with me anymore. Something was broken between us.....

Eye of the storm came 2 days later when M told me that L confessed that he liked M. All I could mumble was:

"Hey look, Im happy for you=) All things are going well again=)"....

I hang up the phone, I cried.... And I went down to my knees to pray. I prayed hard. And something rang in my ear.

"Remember that I still love you. For I so loved the world that I sent my only begotten Son to save you.".

I stupidly asked "who are you?"

I did not hear the reply however I remember Moses in the bible asked the same question and God replied him:

"I am who I am"

I Cried liked a baby, because I threw all my burden to him. I told God that I'll stand up strong again to shine for you.

.........................................................

This story was actually a few days old=) I am not as angry as L anymore just that I don't really trust him anymore. As for M? Well I promised I will let her know how my heart feels about everything. So this What I wanna tell M about:

M, I like you but I do not want to confess because I'm afraid that I'll lose my friendship with you, I yearn for that closeness that we once had and I wanna be there for you. I treasure that trust that you gave me but I abused it for that greater good ( or so I think) However. M, I think I can get over you, because the bible said I CAN DO ALL THINGS THRU CHRIST WHO STRENGHTENS ME.
So M, Lets be friends=)

.........................................................................................

This is the end of my story=) took me 2 whole days to write=) Next post is on my Grandpa's funeral=) Stay Tuned!!=)

(this is a true story)

2009-05-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

Hey Ppl=)
This are the Photos that I've took with my class awhile back..
I dunno if you all can see all of it due to my amazing internet speed. But here it goes more of it=)

Haha yea.. OMG my internet is quite lag, but nvm i gonna upload 2nd vlog=) Here is goes=)

Omg did I just finished my 2nd post LOLs yea just in case you all dunno blogger is freaking lag as i cannot upload my Video here but no worries just go to->
http://www.youtube.com/user/YanEldoras
and you'll find it there=) oh ya you can add me in Facebook in->
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=625797171&ref=profile

2009-05-30T02:02:00.000-07:00

Hey all=)
Look, as I have forgotten my password from my previous blogger account yaneldoras.bs.com I've created my new account with my new blog which is here=)
Actually alot of things had happened since the past dunno how many months from my last post. thus i decided not to post here as there is too much.
Instead I'll post some Video blog to let you guys see how much I've changed from my past. Oh By the way!! You can look all my previous Vids on facebook at
So here are some of my Vids that are more recent which I hope can entertain you all=)

As mentioned this is the Vid on the Sissy Gays is on my youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xer_wooUz60

Yes that is all for my first Post=) keep a look out for my second post coming real soon=)